The Cookie Eaters

I've decided to start a club. The exact details are kind of fuzzy right now since I just created it about 10 minutes ago. Its going to be the Cookie Eaters club. We will get together and make or just share cookies whenever we can get together. Once in awhile we will have an "exotic" night where we branch out from cookies and make or taste other types of desserts... hmm maybe I should just make it a Dessert Eaters club... I'll think about it. So far I've only roped my friend Ammon into it. It wasn't that hard since I don't know anyone that doesn't like cookies of one kind or another. mmmm cookies.

Life, Love, and Loss

Something I've really decided that I hate is when people tell you crappy things that happen are for the better. It's like thanks I'm sobbing, arm-pit deep in tissues and you're telling me this is for the better good? In some cases it is true but in the mean time it never seems to feel true. I just find it an insensitive thing to say. I mean I've been told this very statement several times in the past 3 weeks and I just want to punch whoever says it. If you are saying it to make me feel better NEWSFLASH it doesn't do anything of the sort. If you are saying it because you think it is true... great keep it to yourself.

I have also been reflecting on rebounds. I've never really understood them, why people have them. Here is my take on how they happen. You are in a relationship, yay happy, then WHAM it's over. Now you feel like this little pathetic thing for believing in love and that someone actually loved you. You realize you can't sit and do nothing. You go out with friends but you still feel like half a person. After so long of being with one person always having his hand to hold, he was there to hold when you cried, he was a great listener, you could always snuggle with him and rough house with him. Now you are on your own. It's awkward trying to do any of those things on your own and you miss those things (plus others) like crazy. Basically the first few people who come along and give you attention you think Hey guy B could be like a replacement for guy A you think what they heck I need to move on anyway. After a while you realize you don't really actually like guy B and still miss guy A. That when you realize you rebounded.

I know this is just rambling on and I'm sorry but that is pretty much my brain right now all rambles no real complete thoughts. An update to my life... it kind of sucks. Nothing is working out, no internships, no new jobs, and so basically I work 22 hours a week and do whatever I feel like the rest of the time. Sounds nice probably to those of you that are busy pretty much all the time but trust me after about 3 weeks of this I feel like the lamest person on the planet. I create design homework for myself so that I don't lose all my skills over the summer. But its almost unfulfilling to do made up things because its like no one really cares about this design stuff except some fellow students. For those of you that are my friends on facebook you can see all my stuff there. I'm going to start playing waterpolo again this summer so I'm hoping having another thing to do besides work will help boost my morale. Fingers crossed

Dreams, what are they made of?

I had a dream a few nights ago with the same event from many dreams I've had in the past year and a half. However, each time this even happens slightly differently and I react differently each time. This event was an old best friend coming to me and apologizing for some things that happened back well a little over a year and a half ago. The first time I had this dream I reacted rather violently and I was screaming and cursing. When I woke up my heart was pounded as if I just had a scary dream. Each time I have the dream it seemed my reaction was less and less anger. At one point I would be fence sitting on what to do, let her back in my life or keep her out of it. Those dreams I wake up feeling depressed and alone because it made me realize that I don't really have that BFF girlfriend anymore. This week I had a dream where she came in apologized and I forgave her but didn't say anything about letting her back in my life. It was kind of like a load off. Completely weird.

I am really curious about dreams now. I mean for the most part I believed that they were just your brain shuffling through the random things that you sensed through out the day. If you think about it your brain picks up on all the things that your 5 senses pick up. Some dreams that is the only way I feel they can be explained due to their pure craziness. But there have been a few dreams that I feel are more than that. For example, after my grandma died, a year or so after, I kinda wondered how she was doing if she was happy where she was stuff like that. One night I had a dream that I was at her house walking around her yard. I passed under the shadows of the big tree in her front yard and to the back where she had several rose bushes. She loved her roses and there she was. She took my hand and walked with me, even though she didn't seem to register who I was. We walked and she went on about the various roses and other plants that inhabited her garden. Then in the shade of the apricot tree, with its painted white trunk, we sat on a bench and a wave of peace and comfort came over me. I truly felt like she was okay and that she was happy. I don't think that was my brain pulling random facts from my day and meshing them all together.

What about those dreams where you are angry at someone and you wake up feeling so mad. You realize it was just a dream but it takes alot to get over being mad at the person nonetheless. Dreams seem to be powerful but they sometimes seem to be too crazy and random to be good for anything other than a laugh the next morning. There are dreams that make you want to avoid sleeping for fear of what might await behind your closed eyelids. There is so much I wish that I could know about dreams but I don't know that we will truly ever understand them.

Valentines.

I have never really been a fan of valentines day but I have now found a reason to like it. I'm in LOVE =0) I have an awesome boyfriend. Due to my school schedule we are celebrating Valentine's Day today. I made him his gift and I am so excited to give it to him tonight! I took some pictures of it and I figure he won't be looking at my blog today so I'm safe in posting them.  I made a book of a bunch of reasons why I love him or things I love about him. I'm no photographer so bear with me.

No Phone Chronicles - The 48 hours

I last 48 hours without a phone. I'm not going to say it was the hardest thing I've ever had to live through because that would be overdramatic and a lie. It was really strange though. Going from being lazy and texting people things I needed to ask them or tell them whenever I thought of them through out the day to trying to make just one phone call and remembering everything I needed to tell them. That was weird. It was a strange change of habits but I think it had some good effects too. Lucky for me one of the phone lines on my family plan was eligible for an upgrade so I got a discounted price! I still had to use my credit card =/ but it will all work out. And I have to tell you it was so cute when I got to my boyrfriend's house with my new phone. He said that he was glad that I got a new phone because thinking about me driving home in the snowy/icy roads and getting stuck or crashing and not having a phone to call for help made him worry alot. CUTE! I have the best boyfriend ever. =) And now I have a cool new phone.

No Phone Chronicles. Day 1

This may only last a day, it depends. I lost my phone yesterday... well I guess 2 days ago now (Dec 30) around 1 PM - ish. Now that I have searched my car several times each time hoping to find it, still nothing. I've search my boyfriend's house as well. The last place I remember having it was at Lowes. I was texting a friend and later after leaving Lowes I realized it wasn't in any of my pant or sweater pockets. I wasn't too alarmed because I figured I put it in my purse or something. Negative. Searched my purse 3-4 times no luck. Now I am back to my good ol high school days of using the home phone. It was sad that night with my BF dropped me off at my house I had to write his number on my hand, due to a lack of paper in my purse and a contacts list on my phone. Basically the only people that I can contact from memory are my mom's cell, her work, my sister's cell and my parent's home phone (and now my boyfriend). It's weird. I'll have to dig out my old address book that probably has a bunch of old numbers and numbers of people I haven't talk to in years for one reason or another. Tomorrow I am going to the AT&T store to see if a) I can get a replacement free of charge b) if my contract is elligable for an upgrade thuse free or nearly free phone or c) if I have to buy a whole new phone. If it's C it's going to be a problem since I'm pretty much broke from Christmas. I'm hoping for B if I have to wait a week or something then I'm going to try and do that. Thus the beginning of the No Phone Chronicles. Today has been a weird day mostly with it being New Years eve and not being able to text everyone happy new year instead I got to watch my boyfriend and his dad do it. Felt really awkward. We will see what the first day of the new year has in store for me. Happy New Year everyone.

Success. Tis' Sweet.

Last New Years I set two resolutions. And I am happy to say that as of yesterday they have been met. I guess one still has 3 days to go completely down hill but I don't think 3 days is enough to ruin an entire year.

Resolution #1: Make this year awesome to make up for all the crap that happened last year

Done. This year has been awesome. Hard at times but I would take this year over last year for sure. I faced some fears, got to the root of other fears (still working on those ones), survived school and have the best family, friends and boyfriend. With those things in the equation how could I possibly have a bad year? Like I said that there are still 3 days left of the year so it could go completely crazy but I think I would have to have a Job bible story to really ruin my year *knocks on wood*

Resolution #2: Read a list I made of 21 books.

Also Done! And ahead of schedule. =) I got a little worried about this one after school started again but it all turned out okay. In fact I think I read more than 21 books counting textbooks and those things are massive. Due to their dry nature they should almost be counted as 2 books but I'll leave them at one. I had a lot of fun rediscovering my love of reading. When you tell people that you have set a goal of reading a bunch of books they always offer one or two more so I have a list of about 350 books that I want to read. For 2011 my list mostly contains Graphic Design books but threw in some novels too. I'm so excited that I'm cheating and I've already started.

Happy 2011 everyone. Hope it brings nothing but good things for you =)