History Repeated?

You've hear the saying "history repeats itself." If you haven't you must live under a rock or something. But now you have an welcome to the real world. =)

Have you ever thought about living your life over? Sometimes I do. However going back with the knowledge that I have now there are obviously things that I would want to change. However, thinking on it further if certain things about my life were changed then what kind of person would I be? Would I be better? More socially awkward? More out going? Carefree? No one really knows and you could honestly think about this in crazy endless loops.

I think everyone wants to change the things that hurt them. Since they have the knowledge that its going to happen then they can take care of it before they get their emotions involved or time, etc. Just like Bill Murray on Groundhog Day. If you think about all the hurtful things that have happened in your life there are some that you can't change no matter what you do. Death. It's a fact of life. Everything and everyone dies. This type of hurt would be one that you couldn't erase so you could never truly have a hurt free life. Unless, maybe, you lived under a rock but then you might feel the pangs of loneliness... but maybe without ever really having anyone around you wouldn't know what it was like to be around another person so maybe you wouldn't understand loneliness. Anyway back to the point. For me it's hard to imagine what type of person I would be without the things that just plain ol SUCKED in my life. Without them I wouldn't know that I can get through things and come out alive when at the time all I wanted to do was die. I wouldn't have a better understanding of who I am and what I want in life. I think I would still take my life the way it is.. or has been. I've had some pretty crappy experiences but the one that I felt to be the worst of all I am the most grateful for now that I'm on the other side of it and survived it. It really made me be more spoken about what I want and helped me learn to rely on trustworthy others (which is pretty much my God and my family because they were the ones that were truly there for me when I felt I had no one else). And from that I have handled bad times better. When crap happens I think back to that time in my life and realize this new prob is nothing compared to that one. It gives me strength and confidence in myself to carry on.

It's also interesting to see that in your own life, history can repeat itself. I feel like I've had a few second chances with the same situation (almost) but different people. Usually I've blown it the first time so it helps me to do better the next time I realize I have pretty much the same situation on my hands. Obviously everything is not exactly the same and the persons involved do not have the exact same personality or life experiences. I'm grateful for the chances I have to try again basically. I am grateful for the life I have and the trials God has put in front of me only to help me through them. Life is great and you feel yours is not then I hope you can find what will make you truly happy in life and go for it. Goals are awesome. Set them. And reach them. I truly believe you can do anything that you set your mind to you just have to be humble enough to ask for help. Once again life is Awesome! =0)

I dream of Photoshop.

I love photoshop!

I'm no pro but here is a blog that I read today ... well looked since it's mostly pictures. Its amazing what some people can do with photoshop. Someday maybe I can be as good as they are lo, maybe.

http://www.graphicdesignblog.org/strange-funny-photoshop-manipulations/

Check it out.

Dislike for 2012 Logo

This is the logo design for the 2012 Olympics. I'm not sure the aim that they were trying to take with this but I think its ridiculously ugly. My history of graphic design teacher said that they even had it so it was moving and flashing (somehow) but it was causing seizures therefore they stopped that. It reminds me of the 80's that or cavemen drawings. I can appreciate the creativity it may have taken to get this design but the result is not pleasing to my eye. I don't think I'm the only one that feels this way, obviously the group of designers in England okayed it. It just doesn't speak Olympics to me (besides the Olympic rings). The cost of getting this logo was 400,00 pounds, that's $620,775.73.

I decided this needed a face lift and attitude change. Originally I wasn't intending to write all about the sad and depressing things in life but that's what it ended up being. Oops.

Now I am going to try to A) write more B) try to keep it pleasant. I'll probably end up writing mostly about design school and maybe running. I've wanted to run a marathon for a while but I haven't really gotten around to it. School and work are usually in my way especially when trying to do both. When I get into my running training then I'll probably talk about that here and there but for now it will be mostly design school and stuff.

I am starting my 3rd year in the graphic design program at the University of Utah. It's been a great challenge thus far and I expect it to continually get harder. However, for the time being I am pumped and excited. Granted I've only had 3 days of school so we'll see how I'm doing in a month.

Now that You're Gone

Who will open the door for me

because I've gotten quite use to it.

Who will go on long drives with me

just to reach nowhere in particular and turn around

Who will let me help with their mechanic projects

even though I'm just the "go-fer."

Who will be there to tell me I'm gorgeous and mean it

when I'm in my sweats with puffy red eyes.

Who will be a goofball with me

and have laughter to compliment mine.

Who will be the one to excavate my smile

when it had fallen from my face.

Who will Gaze into my eyes

and stare as if they are lost in a galaxy.

But most important

Who will wrap me in their arms

where I feel that everything will be okay.

Trudging

Life is trudging on

And I'm stumbling along

the zeal of life growing dim

In a forest of trees

Each taking their swap at me

Their branches scrathing and tearing

And cutting me down

I continue on

the warm glow slowly fades

All around turns grey

The skip in my step

The gleam in my eye

Gone with the light

As I carry on along this path

The dark seeps into my pores

Numbly walking on

If I fall

The fight to get up could be the end

Clumsily, feet hitting stones

the cold and dark engulfs me

It hollows out my soul

The shell is stumbling on

My Loneliness

My Loneliness..
It isn't for you
My heart has shut you out
Yet it still longs for someone
Boys I have liked
Can't seem to fill the space
Maybe I'll be lonely forever
Searching for the one that can make my heart whole
No one can seem to do the job to the fullest
Moments go by where I forget
But at night the darkness reminds me
The night left to think and wander
Who will fill this gaping hole
Its strange to be surrounded by people
And yet feel all alone
This is what my loneliness is made of.